Letting Go.

Assalamualaikum..

It's been a long time since my last post.
And I can't promise if there will ever be any post after this.
I am here just to say,
That I am about to lose a friend.
It's not that friend's fault, I am the one leaving.
He is so dear to me that I got confused whether I care in the name of friendship or that I like him.
We have a long history together and now I can't stand him to be with someone else.
Him being like this now, reminds me of my painful past.
Watching and hearing him, makes my scar to reopen.
I am hurting inside yet I can't say a word about it.
It's not his fault. He may not aware of it because all this time I don't share much with him.
I am not being fair.
And now I am blaming him for my heartache now.
I need some timeout.
I decided to tell him everything that I kept for a secret this whole time we've been together.
I want him to know who I really am, what's I'm dealing with this whole time.

I want to see face to face...
His reaction..
I want to see what will happen..
I just hope that this will never happen.
I don't believe in love anymore.

To my friend,
I know you will read this someday..
I hope you will understand me, and respect my decision.
If you still care for me, please be smart and think of what I told you.
Take it to heart and reflect it.
I wish you luck, and I wish you will find what you are searching for.
InsyaAllah, we will meet again someday.
And next time, we will meet as old friends. :)
Thank you for taking care of me.
Thank you for always worries about me.
I will always remember you. <3 p="">

Dissapointed

I am very dissapointed with myself..
I tend to get angry with other people,
but it's obviously my fault.
I  am annoying to people, yet I hate annoying people.
WOW
How ironic...

I love to do what ever I want
I always gets too full of myself.
I seldomly think of others.
I always want people to think of my feelings.
Like...
WHo the heck am I to make people like that?
I'm no ONE!

I am very dissapointed with myself..
I am self centered without me realizing it.
I....
Want to change.

And I will change myself for the better...
Thank you Allah for meeting me with a person that have a very positive character.
Her actions and sayings makes me realize... Who I am and what am I.
I am very thankful tu her and to my Creator for giving me the chance to meet with her.

I am STRONG.

A new way to live a new Target to choose!

Assalamualaikum... :)

So long has it been since my last entry...
hehe I myself can't remember  when.

Anyway...
Jom explain about today's topic.

New way to live means by that I am living in a new era (well for me)..
I mean, hidup di University. Tak sangka aku akan masuk University. Paling kelakar aku join program Electronics. Yelah memamng lah lawak since dulu aku nak sangat masuk Mechatronics.

But, kehidupan aku dah Allah rancang macam tu.. takkan aku nak tolak kot.
Yes, rancangan aku bukan ke USM dan aku bukan nak program ni. Aku dah plan nak g U mana anda aku dah plan nak buat apa until I die. Sampai bab kerjaya pown aku dah plan tau! Jangan main2.. hahaha~~
At first yes, aku memberontak. Tak suka USM lah, tak suka Kawan lah, Tak suka macam2...(until now).

I take my time to like this place. To accept my fate. It turns out, I'm just stressing myself out..and I end up making myself fail. FAIL!!! It's not that I haven't failed before, but at least Before this, I failed with dignity. I at least TRY!! But now, I hope it's not too late for me to climb back up.

I am now accepting the fact that I am NOT a MEchatronic student and I need to find a new goal. I am a POSITIVE person ( so what people said about me... hehe ). Probably it's a little too late for first sem, but I know I can catch up for second sem and I want to raise back my pointer  for the best during my first year here in USM Engineering Campus.

okaaayy... ah lari dari topik sebenarnya. New life, let's see... sebenarnya aku nak cakap, dengan hidup yang baru ni, aku mula dapat matlamat yang baru. Walaupun masih samar2 at least ada lah nmpk jugak kan. (Daripada tak nampak! XD )

This is my update about myself.. I know nobody would take notice about this, well hey! This is my blog right?! So I can write anything I want here. hehe~~

Sorry to bore you guys with my story.

Wait for my  next update! :)

Assalamualaikum.
Peace be upon you. <3 p="">

Jodoh

Setiap perhubungan akan ada ujian

Perhubungan SAH , ujiannya menjadikan pasangan semakin di RAHMATI.

Perhubungan BUKAN suami isteri, DITAKUTI ujiannya MEMBINASAKAN DIRI...

TIADA percintaan antara lelaki dan perempuan,
MELAINKAN percintaan suami isteri.

....JODOH TELAH DITENTUKAN, HANYA PERLU PERBAIKI, SABAR, BERUSAHA CARI YANG BAIK....

Queens Bay...

Hello guys,

As promised, I want to tell you a story..
This happened yesterday.
I went to Queens Bay with two of my friend. Both are boys and I 'm the only girl..

We got lost, and depend on 2 GPS just to find they way yet still lost. hahaha
We got fined for not having a parkign ticket ( that damn signboard always hides behind trees.)

I got frustrated because almost ALL signboards in Penang hides BEHIND trees and this also the reason we always exited in the wrong way.

In Queens Bay (qb), standard lah kita berjalan bersama kan, takkan nak tinggalkan mereka. I was walking in the middle with the two guys walking beside me, right and left. The funny thing was, Almost all the couples there just stares at us. hahaha K I suddenly felt superior then.
We went to the cinema and watched The MAze Runner. very interesting movie. :) They based from a novel and as expected, there will be a next book.

I HAVE TO FIND THIS BOOK! THE WHOLE SERIES OF IT!!!

As a reader, I don't really support an out of a book movie, because it spoils our imagination about the whole story. I ccan't really tell you guys about how we felt if the story in the movie are very different than in the book... sad, devastated and probably angry (?).

THE MAZE RUNNER successfully caught my eye... but not to judge early, i have to read the original book. I hope the producer won't be a dissapointment like what happened to Harry Potter.

Hope it will be like THE HUNGER GAMES... :) Can't wait for THE MOCKINGJAY part 1 to come out.

After the movie, we went to Borders... I bought a new book... the fourth book of the Old Kingdom thrilling prequel!!!

Presenting to you, Clariel...



I was thinking about buying the Murakami book but I can't waste my time by not buying a Garth Nix. It will be such a waste then! I got like 3 series of Grath Nix book. One of them are the Old Kingdom prequel. :)

then we went back home and I can't think of anything else anymore to say..
Okay since Now I'm a University student, I have lots of thing to do... So good bye guys

See ya in my next post. :)

USM - Universiti Sains Malaysia

USM... Sebuah universiti yang aku sendiri tak percaya aku akan jejak kan kaki ku ini..

Sejak datang sini, aku pelajari macam2. Accepting the truth about life, accepting the unaccepted. I learn to be strong. I learn to be happy with anything. I learn to be smart in my way. I learn to be grateful. I learn to love time so much. I learn regrets are good. I learn to make new friends. I learn to love USM....

This all happened just in 3 weeks, and there's a lot more to learn. I am growing up and I have to accept that. Being very far away from my family...I do feel homesick sometimes, but come to think of it, I'm kinda lucky because I can still go home at least once every month if i want to.

USM engineering campus, has their own unique spesifics. Such as,

-the amount of flies there is. (haha) about this, From KMTPh, banyak nyamuk, skarang banyak plak lalat. Siapa yang tak biasa tu mmg kena tahan lah skit. BUkan sebab tempat ni kotor. Tapi sini kawasan dia kawasan kelapa sawit and disekeliling ni org kampung dia ternak ayam. Baja yang digunakan pown guna taik ayam rasa nya. sbb bau dia lain macam je. hehe.

- LOngkang yang tak macam longkang. :) Perkara ini ada betull.. nak kata longkang bukan, nak kata saliran pown bukan. Konsep USM kami, kelestarian alam. :) Dan kampus kejuruteraan ini dikenali juga dengan nama "Kampus terapung" // "Floating Campus".
[next time, I'll try to upload a picture about this drain-but-not-a-drain thingy]

- The food is cheap cheap cheap! n_n I don't know about anywhere else but compared to in Jengka, Pahang... This place is very cheap! (for me) I ate alot since I came here and gained some weight on my face. Hehe...

K, now... I joined PALAPES DARAT here. Rather crazy... and the most out of my mind was that I joined ADIKARMA.. You see, Adikarma is an art society mostly focuses on dancing and live band. :) I entered under the name of DAncing. haha wierd for a girl like me to join this kind of activity. :P

I have another story, but i think I'l post it in another post. Since this one is already long. Have fun guys!! X)

here's a promotional video of Adikarma..

Change

I used to think I have a personality disorder.
But it turns out that I was an attention seeker. I just want people to see me, to know me and when they said they do.. well...I denied them. I scolded them.
I used to think I was mysterious, and there's a saying, 'The more you think you're mysterious, the vulnerable you actually are'.
I used to think, I have this some kind of psychology problem, but it turns out that I'm just overly stressed and to teenagers...my emotions and a reactions were actually normal.
I used to think, people wants to get to me on purpose.
I used to think that I'm not worth being in love and being loved.
i used to think that I'm fat an not good looking enough to have someone to like me, as in 'like' me.
I used to think that having a friend was not good. They could stab my back.
I used to think girls are stupid and annoying. And somewhat scary. At some point I don't even want to admit I'm a girl!
I used to think, I am a bad luck charm. Always bring bad luck to everyone else around me.
I used to think I am a loner. No one wants to be friends with me.
I used to think I am an introvert and can't change who I am. And I feel that I need to accept me for who I am and deal with the world that way..

I used to think...
I was a VERY NEGATIVE person...
Which my aqquaintances always denied... They said I'm a very positive person and they wished to be like me...


I used to think, "They are lying, they just said that to make me feel better".

Yet,
I am the one who are wrong.
I can be positive.
I can have many friends, but only few can be my best friends.
I can be who I want.
I decide Who I'm gonna be and what I can do.
I DO NOT have mental problems.

I can change who I am now to WHAT I want to be.

I am Invincible!

I change from "I used to be.."---> "I can..."---> " I AM...!"

We Are Humans And Only Allah Can Judge Us!
Not Other Humans!

Versus by Hlovate.. Jom berubah?

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim.
Assalamualaikum and a very good evening ( malaysia time )

I have just finished reading this book. A friend of mine, lend this book which is I'm quite surprised too. I was expecting a different book.

Anyway,
After reading this book, I do recommend you guys to read it. My fellow muslims... after I read this book, I've realized something, something that makes me want to change.. All this time I've searching for the turning point and I can't believe because of this book's writing, I realize that changing is very hard and I always wants the easy way. How stupid am I?
Betapa jahil nya kita sbb nak kan sesuatu dengan mudah... Bila tidak dapat,kita jatuh. kecewa dengan serta merta.

Sahabat sekalian.. Aku bukanlah di tempat yang sesuai tuk beri nasihat agama kat korang.. But believe me, changing is hard.. tetapi aku akan cuba untuk sentiasa beri semangat untuk berubah. Untuk anda semua dan juga untuk diri saya sendiri..

Jangan sedih kalau kita jatuh ke lembah diri yang jahil dulu..
Klaau kecewa pown, tabah kan diri dan kembali kan lah diri kepada Allah..
InsyaAllah, kita sama2 ye. :)

Assalamualaikum sahabt2 sekalian..

Never

Climbing the stairs.. oh how hard it is..
climb climb and climb...
Till half way,
A wall gets in the way.
With this wall, what are you going to do about it?
You know the dreams you want is at the top,
yet the wall is in the way..
What will you do?
What will you do?
What will you do?

Some just sits there and wait for the wall to break down with age..
Some find alternatives, like...hit it with a hammer or just kicks it.
Some use ideas..
But the worse kind of people, they went back down the stairs and give up their dreams...

Which one are you?
what is yor desicion?
Think and pray to Allah for guidance..

Never give up.

Pengislahan diri.

Bismillahirrahmanirahim..

Assalamualaikum and hello

Pernah tak korang terfikir nak berubah? Pengislahan diri?
Kalau pernah... alhamdulillah..
Aku pown ada juga lah ingin berubah.. ku fikir senang.

jauhi yang dilarang
Buang lagu2 tak bermanfaat
Jaga pandangan mata dari membaca atau melihat gambar2 yang tak bermanfaat..
Tukar attitude
tinggalkan gaya hidup yang bebas pergaulannya..
tukar penampilan...

Hakikatnya, wahai rakan2 seperjuangan ku..
Itu semua memerlukan kudrat yang sangat sangat sangatlah BESAR!!
tak terkira berapa kali aku telah jatuh semula ke lembah kejahilan..
Entah berapa kali aku bangkit semula fikir ingin berubah tapi tetap kalah dengan nafsu dan godaan syaitan..
Aku takut.. Aku masih takut..
Takut nak tinggalkan segala2 yg telah lama melekat dalam diri.. takut aku kehilangan kawan.
Aku takut sangat2...
Dan itulah kesilapan yang telah aku buat.
Iaitu, takut kepada hal duniawi. Nampak sangat hati aku ni, masih jauh dengan Allah...Istighfar lah wahai hati..

Sekarang aku terfikir.. kalau aku tulis semua perjalanan aku untuk mengislahkan diri dalam blog, dan orang membaca nya..
Apakah hukum nya? Apakah ini menandakan aku riak? aku ingin dipuji? Harap tak lah.. Saya hanya ingin berkongsi bersama2 rakan2 diluar sana yang ingin berubah juga..

Satu perkara yang saya belajar dari kegagalan yang lalu,
Setiap orang cara berubah nya berlainan..
Kita semua mempuanyai background yang sangat lah berbeza...
Maka wajarlah kita terima nasihat orang tetapi kita harus juga sesuaikan ilmu yang kita ada tu dengan kehidupan kita..
Mana tahu, cara orang lain itu kekadang tak boleh masuk dengan hidup kita, surrounding kita..

Mana tahuu....